Sea of Words

(This is better read as a PDF – see here)

I utter no sounds


Aloud


And yet,


Inside this messed-up mind of mine


A sea

Of words


In which


I’m drowning.

My head bobs above the water

Just long enough


To catch his curt command:

BREATHE DEEPLY


AND SPEAK


ONE


SYLLABLE


AT


A 

TIME


…

I must try


And so


I inhale sharply


But now


My chest is filled with tidal phrases, overwhelming, pulling me under


While I flail, searching for the one syllable I seek.


Just 

One 

That is all he asks of me, 

where is it… where is it…


And I sense his frustration as I sink, speechless for him
,

Silently struggling, a submerged wreck he seeks to salvage.


I grope around me frantically for one syllable in this sea of sounds

The right one


But I’m engulfed in a surge of sayings

I sink within them


And I cannot see the sound I seek.




I think I spot it. 

I almost grasp it


I try


So


Hard


But


No


No, I cannot. There are too many words. 

How can I find and hold onto the one sought syllable surrounded by a sea of sayings that smothers and swallows me again and again. I’m pressed down.  Punished by punches packed by a breath that was bold and brave but beats me.

I’m drowning


I’m drowning


I don’t know


I don’t know


I can’t


I can’t


I can’t


Hush


Hush


It’s okay

It’s okay


Hush


Hush


It’s okay

You whisper

It’s okay

Hush


Hush


It’s okay

I’m here

It’s okay


Hush


Hush


You don’t have to speak

You say

Your gentle words

Guiding me back to shore


It’s okay

I’ve got you

It’s okay


It’s okay

I know you’re trying

It’s okay

It’s okay

Stop struggling

I’ve got you

I’m here

Hush

I’m here

Hush

I hear

Hush

Your warm words


Soft ripples


Lapping at my limbs.


The sea of words subsides


And I stumble struggling


From the storm.


The sea’s grip on me


Weakening 

As fingertips touch.

Hush

Hush

Your palm


Clasps mine


And you walk me


From the water words,


Wrapping me


Tightly in a towel 

Of compassion

Quiet

And calm.

Your breaths

In time

With

Mine.

Air

And love

Fill the spaces 

Where the water words were.

Thank you


I whisper.

It’s okay

You say

Hush

Hush

Summer Joy (Haiku)

Laughter, like trumpets

Announcing young happiness.

Their moment is now.

He’s fine

A big day of small moments;

Pausing in a corridor to ask

‘How are you?’

The surprise of an honest,

Heartbreaking,

Response made her pause

Before asking again.

A new man.

In a stairwell

Who shared also his truth.

A dark one,

But with shards of light

Peeking through.

The last man she asked

Answered

‘Fine.’

The first time;

But when again

Asked

‘How are you?’

His tale was sad.

Shared between

Hellos

And goodbyes

Muttered to others passing

Heads nodding,

Hands raised.

Three men

Whose smiles had masked sadness

And whose words

Touched her deeply

In little

Big ways.

Overheard

The sounds of the lives of others

Drifted uneasily

Into her not quite quiet room.

Resting and restless

She heard of births, marriages and a lobster,

Not quite cooked.

Estranged

Her day was filled with love

Two hands in hers.

Those hands she’d nurtured

Every day for years.

And yet,

This day,

This happy day

Was hard;

A day so full of smiles

And some tears;

Because she was a mother,

Loved by two

..But she, a child too

Who loved another;

Felt this day

The absence of her mother.

Her heart was full

And empty.

Happy.

Sad.

Today she longed

For love

She had once had.

Tulips and Daffodils

Tulips bother me.

They remind me of those girls at school

Slim and tall

Pretty and cool

The girl we wanted all to be.

Not me.

I’m older now,

But still…

Ashamed to be

A daffodil.

Frosty Morning

Leaves dressed like princesses

Paved the winding path

Of her morning walk

And her wandering mind.

The intricate jewellery

Worn by Mother Nature

Made her cold heart warm

And her warm hands cold.

Run to Live to Run

She ran because to stand still was to die.

He didn’t understand why this was so;

But he was not the one whose head said go.

She couldn’t stop her run to question why.

But could she answer, even if she tried?

If time stood still allowing words to flow;

Words painted in this moment, would they show

A truth her lips at other times denied?

She knew not why she ran, but knew she must,

And why she must, she questioned not at all.

She sucked in air, left footprints in the dust,

Pushed questions out of mind or she would stall.

She ran to live, or did she live to run?

Who knows, but no; she did not run for fun.

Petals

Delicate petals

Catching light amongst darkness.

Grey skies overhead.

Walk On?

Each step took her closer to oblivion.

Boldly she walked on;

Sure feet

On a path

Of broken glass

Scattering with each step.

The shards pierced her soles.

The pain eased her soul.

The aching

Growing,

The ache to step once more

Once more

Until