(This is better read as a PDF – see here)
I utter no sounds
Aloud
And yet,
Inside this messed-up mind of mine
A sea
Of words
In which
I’m drowning.
My head bobs above the water
Just long enough
To catch his curt command:
BREATHE DEEPLY
AND SPEAK
ONE
SYLLABLE
AT
A
TIME
…
I must try
And so
I inhale sharply
But now
My chest is filled with tidal phrases, overwhelming, pulling me under
While I flail, searching for the one syllable I seek.
Just
One
That is all he asks of me,
where is it… where is it…
And I sense his frustration as I sink, speechless for him ,
Silently struggling, a submerged wreck he seeks to salvage.
I grope around me frantically for one syllable in this sea of sounds
The right one
But I’m engulfed in a surge of sayings
I sink within them
And I cannot see the sound I seek.
I think I spot it.
I almost grasp it
I try
So
Hard
But
No
No, I cannot. There are too many words.
How can I find and hold onto the one sought syllable surrounded by a sea of sayings that smothers and swallows me again and again. I’m pressed down. Punished by punches packed by a breath that was bold and brave but beats me.
I’m drowning
I’m drowning
I don’t know
I don’t know
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
Hush
Hush
It’s okay
It’s okay
Hush
Hush
It’s okay
You whisper
It’s okay
Hush
Hush
It’s okay
I’m here
It’s okay
Hush
Hush
You don’t have to speak
You say
Your gentle words
Guiding me back to shore
It’s okay
I’ve got you
It’s okay
It’s okay
I know you’re trying
It’s okay
It’s okay
Stop struggling
I’ve got you
I’m here
Hush
I’m here
Hush
I hear
Hush
Your warm words
Soft ripples
Lapping at my limbs.
The sea of words subsides
And I stumble struggling
From the storm.
The sea’s grip on me
Weakening
As fingertips touch.
Hush
Hush
Your palm
Clasps mine
And you walk me
From the water words,
Wrapping me
Tightly in a towel
Of compassion
Quiet
And calm.
Your breaths
In time
With
Mine.
Air
And love
Fill the spaces
Where the water words were.
Thank you
I whisper.
It’s okay
You say
Hush
Hush