To Stop or To Go On

To stop
Or to go on?
A question
I often
Ask.

I
Find myself
At crossroads often.
Standing, staring
Into the road
Beyond me
Unsure..

It’s hard.
What’s ahead
Is uncertain
Dark

But
What’s past
Has streetlamps
Sputtering, failing;
Also dark. And cold.
But dark, cold
And known..

To stop?
Or to go on?
A Question
I often
Ask.

[A question about life but on this, my 3rd anniversary of writing a poem a day, it’s also a question about poetry writing… The two, perhaps, go hand in hand]

Posted in Daily Life, Emotions, Mental Health, Recovery | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Rest Well Mindy x 

Another baby
Gone too soon; you were so loved
And always will be.

[less than a week after losing Bella, our darling 12-year-old Mindy passed away today]

Posted in Animals & Nature, Death, Emotions, Family, Haiku | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Wedding Day Sonnet

They seemed a perfect pairing from the start,
Two minds alike (both quirky, slightly strange..)
It wasn’t long before he stole her heart,
Or she stole his – regardless, soon life changed.

No longer did they talk of ‘I’ but ‘we’
And single-life felt like the distant past.
They shared their ups, their downs, their grief, their glee,
The list of special moments shared grew vast.

Before too long came time to say ‘I do’
And share their love with family and friends,
Who shed a tear at whispered ‘I love you’s,
And witnessed love – the type that never ends.

With love our friends, on this, your wedding day.
May love and laughter always pave your way.

[For Naomi & Neil who’ll tie the knot this Saturday]

Posted in Friendship, Love, Relationships, Romantic | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Dinner Time

Just eating is enough.
I tell myself.
Maybe it’s the same meal thrice daily,
But that’s HUGE!
I tell myself.
I’ve gone from nothing,
Shrinking,
Dying.
To eating, eating, eating.
The same food,
With a beta blocker chaser.
Finally, it has started to feel safer.
Finally, I thought I could venture
To that now unknown room,
The Kitchen
And prepare something else…
Something safe…
I assemble the vegetables.
I take out the knife,
And the board..
And I’m overcome.
That is as much as I can do today.
I’ll wait for calm,
Then I’ll eat the same thing,
From the same bowl,
With the same spoon,
Again.
The monotony doesn’t bother me,
But the fact that I believe myself
Intelligent & often capable,
Yet I see (safe) broccoli and cry
Bothers me deeply.

Posted in anorexia, Eating Disorders, Mental Health, Recovery | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Exhale

Every inch of you seems tense.
Breath caught in your chest.
Hands clenched,
Toes most likely curled
Within your patent shoes.
Your eyes search his face wildly,
Flicking side to side
Looking for a sign…
As he walks towards you in the bar
A smile plays across his lips,
His swagger slow
Voice low.
A friend joins you both
And you exhale.
Those shaky trembling breaths
Invisible to all
Except those who’ve breathed them too.

Posted in Abuse, Relationships | Tagged , | 3 Comments

The Shoes of Others

Each step was painful
In an unforgiving world;
One in which he felt unable to be his true self,
Preferring to inhabit an alien body
And mind
More to the liking of the world at large.
But wearing someone else’s shoes soon takes its toll
His mind and body blistered,
The fit uncomfortable.
Soon he must decide:
Retreat home and hide,
Or kick ill-fitting shoes aside,
And stride..
Barefoot and unashamed into this unforgiving world?

Posted in Daily Life, Emotions, Life Lessons, Questions | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Bye bye Bella

You burnt so bright
But far too briefly, Bella.
Brave. Beloved. Gone.

Posted in Animals & Nature, Death, Family, Haiku | Tagged , , | 5 Comments