Have a good time!

They told me to ‘Have a good time!’
And it felt like an order, not one I could follow.
I wanted to have a good time, but I knew
That I’d smile for the snaps but feel hollow.

To have a good time is not something I know
How to do at the moment, you see;
It’s hard to enjoy even wonderful times
When it’s painfully hard being me.

It’s not what I’d choose, and I hate that my mind
Drags down not only me but my loved ones,
I try hard to smile whilst I’m crying inside,
And I wish I was one of the fun Mums.

I watch on, distressed and because I’m depressed,
I feel like an imposter who’s acting
Acting like mum, don’t know how to do fun,
The resulting self-torture’s exacting

‘Have a good time’ I am told, and I’ll try,
Though it feels like a challenge beyond me.
With a child in each hand, I’ll give all that I’ve got,
And pray for some freedom and happy.

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This entry was posted in depression, Family, Mental Health, Parent-Child, Parenting, Poems about Children, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Have a good time!

  1. jfb57 says:

    This has made me think about the language we use all the time intending it to be uplifting but actually adding pressure. What would you have said to me knowing that ‘Have a good time’ was not want I wanted or could hear?

    Liked by 1 person

    • PookyH says:

      I’m not sure tbh and I know that people say in kindly and they mean they hope we all have a good time, but it feels like an expectation I can’t live up to sometimes. I feel the same when people say ‘get well soon’

      Like

  2. Scout says:

    This is something I relate to so well. Being unable to “have a good time” produces such guilt, as though being this way is intentional. Sad, but beautifully written, Pooky.

    Liked by 2 people

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