Dinner Time

Just eating is enough.
I tell myself.
Maybe it’s the same meal thrice daily,
But that’s HUGE!
I tell myself.
I’ve gone from nothing,
Shrinking,
Dying.
To eating, eating, eating.
The same food,
With a beta blocker chaser.
Finally, it has started to feel safer.
Finally, I thought I could venture
To that now unknown room,
The Kitchen
And prepare something else…
Something safe…
I assemble the vegetables.
I take out the knife,
And the board..
And I’m overcome.
That is as much as I can do today.
I’ll wait for calm,
Then I’ll eat the same thing,
From the same bowl,
With the same spoon,
Again.
The monotony doesn’t bother me,
But the fact that I believe myself
Intelligent & often capable,
Yet I see (safe) broccoli and cry
Bothers me deeply.