Forward Thinking Therapist…

You ask me to look forwards.
It makes me dizzy.
Forwards… three years?
I can’t imagine making it to bed time some days.
How would, could, should life be?
What would I have for lunch?
How would I feel?
What would be different?
These questions seem meaningless
When the most important decision
I have made today
Was whether to board the train,
Or jump under it.
Forwards, the future, is a place I think I want to get to,
But I don’t know how,
Because I don’t know what I’m aiming for…
But I find it a picture
That’s impossible to paint.