Facing the World

[what it feels like trying to pass as ‘normal’ when managing severe anxiety]

The strangest thing
About this fight
Is how hard
‘Normal’ feels.
I put myself
Out in the world;
My heart pounds,
My head reels.
The world sees someone normal,
They don’t know it’s a disguise.
If they look beyond my smile,
They’ll see panic in my eyes.
It makes me feel tired;
Being normal
Is hard work.
Whilst you see a calm appearance,
In my head things are berserk.
I am fighting
Every minute,
Just to do quite simple things,
And it leaves me aching,
Shaking,
Full of shivers, tics and stings.
But I manage,
Then I go home,
And I lay down,
Take a rest.
It’s the hardest thing
I’ve ever done,
But I know I’ve tried my best.

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This entry was posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, Recovery and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Facing the World

  1. jfb57 says:

    Well down Pooks! Similar here. Will email xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. J says:

    I can relate. I wish we didn’t have to deal with this 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. angharad says:

    So proud of you for fighting such a fight with such courageous bravery. Love you to bit xcx

    Liked by 1 person

    • PookyH says:

      Thank you. I presented at a conference today. I cabbed door to door but did ‘normal’ for a couple of hours and remembered why I love my work (and that I am not bad at it!) xx

      Like

  4. So well expressed…and that is me every day right now…it is exhausting…sometimes it helps me to quickly go into a bathroom & check my face, just a brief look, as my anxiety makes me feel like I am on show as some insanely frightening looking creature that everyone will know is ‘not’ ok…so when I see myself looking relatively normal, it calms me somewhat…xo

    Liked by 1 person

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