Moment by Moment

[Trigger warning – I’m struggling a lot with thoughts of suicide at the moment which are echoed here. International suicide hotlines]

Sometimes, the future looks bright,
The possibilities many,
Inspiring,
Exciting.
I feel full of hope and want to fight.
To claw my way from this hole,
This half life.
But sometimes,
Right-Now hurts too much.
I can’t live one moment at a time because
This Moment
NOW
Hurts Too Much..
I can’t think of the future
Because Now is crushing me
In gargantuan gnawing jaws,
Piercing my skull,
Angrily, noisily bearing down on me.
I can’t see.
I can’t think.
I can’t hear.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t live.
But I do.
Hanging on by the very tips of my fingers.
Dangling above a welcome abyss.
There is no pain there.
Each time I make it through an impossible Now,
I glimpse the future anew.
Glimmers of hope and promise.
And I pray
That each new moment
Is not the one
That is so painful
As to be the last.
There are good moments waiting.
Aren’t there?

Advertisements
This entry was posted in depression, Emotions, Mental Health and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Moment by Moment

  1. Thought this was beautifully written. For what it’s worth, I hope you feel better soon, if only a little, and as someone who’s experienced similar thoughts before, there are good moments waiting. Take care, xox

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jfb57 says:

    There are thousands of them waiting for you Pooks. You are being so brave and remember just an inch (I don’t do metric!) towards them is a mile of achievement. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. theboyintheboot says:

    Hope you’re ok. Chat if you want – I’ve been there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yu/stan/kema says:

    There are good moments coming after you ride this out. Be sure of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. operahell says:

    This is NOW but there is always Tomorrow. Big hugs – hang in there, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. wbdeejay says:

    Pooky, so many of us are right there alongside you. Struggling, as well as supporting you. Or just wondering how to form our love into a shape that you can hold onto. Even though you may not feel it through the numbness, our hands cling to you with love, just as you cling to hope for tomorrow.

    Liked by 1 person

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s