The worst step is always the next one,
The path that I’ve never yet walked;
The first step was almost impossible
The day that I finally talked.
The day that I said I was drowning
That everything wasn’t okay,
I honestly thought things would never
Feel worse than they felt on that day.
But the next step was so far from easy,
The bit where I asked for support
This step meant admitting ‘I’m broken’
My mission came close to abort.
But I thought that the help of professionals
Would make the road smoother for me.
That a shrink and a few hours of talking
Would magically set my mind free.
I was wrong and these steps are the hardest,
Whilst I work very hard to let go
Of the things in my life that are dangerous,
And fill those I love with deep woe.
Changing is painful and frightening
Finding a new way to be
Maintaining my weight, no self-harming
Learning to take care of me.
I pick up clay feet and keep walking,
In the knowledge the next steps I take
Will be harder by far than the last steps,
Will leave fear and pain in their wake.
But it’s taken so long to walk this far,
Where I came from is miles away,
I cannot yet see the horizon,
But I’ll wave to you from there one day.