[This beautiful poem and accompanying words are being shared anonymously by a dear friend facing an incredibly hard time. Please take a moment to read her words and another moment to respond. She will hugely appreciate your feedback and kind words of support and love].
Sometimes talking is the hardest thing to do, actual speech can seem impossible, but even as much of a wreck as you feel, you know you need to reach out somehow. I took inspiration from Pooky’s writing to try to express how I felt after a setback using poetry. The mental effort required to focus on the words in a creative way may not have calmed me much but it certainly changed the fizzing in my head from being dangerous to being in a place where I could accept comfort again.
I can’t find the words to speak to you
So I’m writing them instead
I don’t want there to be any secrets
For what’s going round my head
I thought that I was coping
And your love helps keep me strong
But I can’t stop the crying
Or feeling I’m all wrong
These thoughts say you can’t hear me
So what’s the point of crying out
Just take that needle, let it bleed
Watch your frustration flow, red, out
I’m sorry, I’m a failure
But despite this, you persevere
And although I struggle to feel I deserve
Any of it, you stay near
I don’t know what to do about me.
I’m scared I’ve let something in
An accuser to torment me
A voice that tries to win
I don’t know why I feel like this
Today or just at all
Just promise you’ll stick with me
And catch me while I fall
This isn’t to say you’ve failed at all
You’ve done the best you could
I guess now what I need the most
Is just a real big hug.