Things Change

Good days
And bad days
Are moments apart.
Things can change
On the spin
Of a die.
A few words misplaced
Or anxiety strikes
And my smile quickly fades
And inside I die.
From coping
To carving the pain
In my flesh
Happens faster
Than I can believe.
I hope things calm down
And the bad days thin out
So I have
Less hard thoughts
To relieve.

This entry was posted in depression, Mental Health, Recovery, self-harm and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Things Change

  1. jfb57 says:

    I’d love to know what it is that suddenly spins my day around. It can be from black to white or white to black. I’d love to bottle it when it goes well.

    I’ve got an idea of collating this series of poems to put them as one post. What do you think? I realise it will be a while but think they would make a good jig saw.

    Liked by 1 person

    • PookyH says:

      I don’t tend to get the black to white only the reverse but perhaps that will change. I’d love to learn more about how that works for you. One thing I am learning to do is to take the days that have gone black and to distract myself for a few hours to calm those feelings and then try to ensure there are some positive moments in the day. Yesterday started fine, fell into the deepest darkest depths at about 10am. I survived the next few hours just making it through and then by about 7pm I was ready to try again. My wonderful mother in law took the children and tom and I walked to the pub and had a meal and a drink together. I pay for that this morning of course but I do find genuine enjoyments in moments I can connect with Tom like that.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Its true that things quickly change, hold on to happy thoughts of the good days to recall when times get tough to help you get through.

    Liked by 2 people

    • PookyH says:

      it’s a good idea. I need to find a physical way of doing so. those moments are so intense and so BIG that it is hard to process any thought other than the big feeling that hits me so perhaps I can think up a prop of some kind. I will ponder..

      Liked by 1 person

      • jfb57 says:

        Sounds trite but what about writing them down on post-it’s / pretty paper & pop them in a special jar / tin, again been bought as ‘special’. You can then read them when things are darkening. Not huge notes just a reminder or a picture. xx

        Liked by 2 people

  3. wbdeejay says:

    Yes. Moments apart can change the day. It’s the mystery moments that baffle and upset me even more. A sudden change with seemingly no trigger. You may be experiencing that too. Sending you love for a thinning out of the bad days.

    Liked by 2 people

    • PookyH says:

      Yeah I get that and those are the scariest of all. Often it will be an incident. Yesterday it was a single sentence spoken to me, possibly in jest that sent me from an even keel to suicidal in under a minute. It’s tiring.

      Liked by 2 people

      • wbdeejay says:

        It is possible your brain is exhausted; from processing, from caring, from battling, from being pushed in directions, from resisting and begrudgingly complying. I can see how this would happen. ❤

        Liked by 3 people

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