I Wish I Was Special [A poem about suicide – trigger warning]

I wish I was special,
She cried
As she caught sight of her reflection.
Tears streaked her face.

She clung onto her palm full of pills
As if for dear life,
Though it was death,
Not life,
She hoped they’d bring.
She did not want to die
But she could not face this life any more.

She had sat this way for hours,
Rocking,
Crying,
On the brink of the action
Which would take away the pain,
But without the motivation to do it.
Which made her feel
Ever more a failure.

A voice penetrated her bubble,
A hand gently took hers,
Brushing the damp, crumbled pills away,
And soothing her with tiny movements.
You are special.
Said the voice,
You just can’t see it now.
You won’t see it tomorrow,
Or the next day,
But one day you will.
I’ll teach you,
If you’ll let me try.

The world was still bleak,
She was still numb,
But a little less so.
As for feeling special,
She wasn’t sure she ever would,
But she was grateful for her friend
Who had broken through the bubble,
And reached out when it mattered.

She clawed her way back from the edge,
Leaning heavily on her friend,
And grateful for a hand to hold.

i wish i was special

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This entry was posted in depression, Friendship, Mental Health and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to I Wish I Was Special [A poem about suicide – trigger warning]

  1. Thank you Pooky. I found this lovely poem at just the right moment. I wish I could explain the difference it has made xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • PookyH says:

      Sorry that you needed it but I’m glad that it helped.

      It was inspired by Tom playing Radiohead on the guitar which always transports me back to dark times.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dark times which you worked through. And now look at you! I’m so impressed.

        Although Radiohead takes me difficult times too, I love them and some of the memories make me smile.

        Liked by 1 person

      • PookyH says:

        Thank you Jane. I’m very fortunate. There are happy times mixed up in there too and your face definitely figures. You always made me feel grounded and safe, like a little anchor!

        I’m enjoying your writing xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It makes me feel really good to learn all of that. We should join each other’s fan clubs. Oh! That’s what this is…..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. wbdeejay says:

    Reblogged this on 42 Days Younger than Kylie and commented:
    So many beautiful people are struggling right now. This poem is a reminder of what we all need to know.

    Like

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