The Great Parenting Conspiracy

When I became a parent,
No one said to me:
You’ll spend the next forever
Tired as hell and soaked in wee.

When I became a parent,
Not one person thought to say:
Even when she’s 6 months old
Your kid will have her way.

When I became a parent,
Not a single parent said:
You’ll be married to your children now
No matter who you wed.

When I became a parent,
Why did no one shout:
You need to buy a big TV,
You’re never going out.

When I became a parent,
I think that you all knew,
If you’d told me how it really was,
I’d think it wasn’t true.

Now that I’m a parent
And well-versed in mess and riot,
When my friends announce they’re pregnant,
I just smile and keep quiet.


This entry was posted in Daily Life, Family, Frivolity and Frippery, Life Lessons, Parent-Child, Parenting, Poems about Children, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to The Great Parenting Conspiracy

  1. charlypriest says:

    Had to chuckle at the line “you need to buy a big t.v, you´re never going out”. So now your getting back at people expecting their precious little creatures…… This was a departure from your normal poetry, it was fun reading it. So there are no college classes as to how to be a parent…..I should start one. You gave me an idea to write about. Next post will be called “Charly Priest parenting advice” a bit scary maybe……

    Liked by 1 person

  2. topazo says:

    if you had been told, you wouldn’t have believed and might even have called them “kill-joys”, for trying to dampen your excitement at expecting a baby…


  3. colonialist says:

    I really love this. So funny, but so true. And so humane, to withhold the awful truth!


  4. Your poem Pooky so reminded me of a story about one of my aunts. She had three kids very young and close together who were wearing as little kids can be. One day she took them for a walk, all in the one pram. As she took them walking along a busy road a wedding car went by. By now her kids were getting fractious and she was pretty fed up with the whole parenting deal, marriage the lot. As the wedding car went by all she could think of was to call out: “You’ll be sorry!”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. wbdeejay says:

    Haha, so that’s how it works. I know the little secret now.


  6. Very true and most of us wouldnt change it for anyrhing! 😊


  7. Great poem. Funny, true and we’d all still do it if we knew.

    When I was about 9 hours into my labour with Ken, I remember grabbing the hand of a passing nurse and snarling at her “Could you please explain to me why women EVER have more than one child?” Her response “Ask me again, if you’re still wondering, after you’ve held your babe”. 🙂


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