Nothing Changes

Nothing has changed,
Except everything has.
A familiar song comes on the radio.
It transports me back.
A decade.
More.
Suddenly I’m alone.
I’m scared.
I can’t eat.
And I hate myself.
Words swim before me,
On my computer screen.
My degree incomprehensible,
Daunting,
An impossible challenge.
I feel unloved.
I cannot love myself.
The little things scare me.
The big things scare me more.
Friends and family try to help
And are ostracised for their trouble.
The moment passes.
I’m here and now.
The music is the same.
Words swimming before me
On my computer screen,
Nothing changes.
But everything is different.
These are the words of my thesis.
Soon to be completed.
A challenge,
But not an impossible challenge.
A work of which I’m proud.
It scares me a little.
But the big things don’t.
My husband and my children are sleeping.
They love me.
I love them.
I’m learning to love me.
Life is good.
I’m glad I carried on.
The song,
A stark reminder of how life was,
The current moment,
A reminder
That no matter how dark
Things seem,
There is always a way forwards.
Everything Changes.
imPossible concept

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This entry was posted in Daily Life, Eating Disorders, Emotions, Life Lessons, Mental Health, Romantic and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Nothing Changes

  1. MrsT says:

    Tis the season for memories. Like you, I’m happy to be where I am. Merry Christmas lovely xx

    Like

  2. lulupoetrycorner says:

    yes, all things possible…Happy Holidays!

    Like

  3. This is a bout so much of your lives Pooky, being content with who we are, recognising the things that scare us and believing that no matter what the sun will always come up tomorrow.
    Merry Christmas Pooky and to your husband and children.
    Michael

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  4. There is indeed always a way forward. wishing you a great year ahead.

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  5. Oh my dear Pooky, this poem reaches inside, shines a light, touches tender places, holds and comforts and much more. Your words acknowledge so much suffering, and yet there is hope and joy. For me, it creates a movie in my mind, a mini memoir.
    I’m so glad you are part of my life. Your words move and inspire. That is a precious gift. Thankyou for writing this beautiful poem.
    And yes, sometimes all it takes is a song…..
    Hugs
    Tricia xx

    Like

    • PookyH says:

      Thank you – this was a hard one and I wasn’t sure about sharing it but I felt better for writing it down…

      You’re very kind and I’m glad to have found you too my friend xxx

      Like

  6. charlypriest says:

    That was freeeking long. But lovely, and I´m glad too that you carried on because if not….I wouldn´t be reading this!

    Like

  7. charlypriest says:

    Forgot. it´s christmas…
    Knock knock.
    Who´s there?
    Pooky boo!

    get it, instead of peekabu now it´s Pookyboo, I´m smart. I just invented a new game for children. Should try out to be a teacher.

    Like

  8. Sounds like you just worked through a crisis. Good luck with your thesis.
    Merry Christmas. 🙂

    Like

  9. wbdeejay says:

    A challenging time indeed. Sounds like despite the scary past reminder you have strength to cope and eventually move on more positively. That is a great achievement

    Like

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